Realizing who you need the most
by milovroxmysox
Summary: COMPLETE & NEW SUMMARY Rory leaves Dean. Beginning of season five ISH. She goes to Jess. Best chapter yet in my opinion... Lit
1. The Jess box

Ok, this my very first fanfic. Don't be discouraged! I need to know if I'm a crappy writer or not. After about 2 weeks, I finally figured out how to post a fanfic lol. Ok, so this is in the beginning of season 5. Rory is dating Dean (whom I hate) and the first chapter is mainly her thoghts on the whole thing.

She lay there next to him, staring deeply in his eyes, As much as she tried to convince herself that this was right, it felt wrong. She was tired of every time she had sex with him she was thinking, _this is wrong, he's married. But he loves me... I think._ He had told her that it was over with Lindsey, they were prepared for a divorce. But he never took any action. he was still with her, and they had to be together in secret, She hated that. But she kept telling herself _he loves you, he's gonna be with you forever, not with THAT WOMAN._ But "that woman" was his wife, and she had no idea what he was doing when she wasn't around. She hated dealing with it. She wanted a boyfriend that she could call at his house. She wanted a boyfriend that she could walk to his front door and be invited in. She didn't want THIS.

Just as she was about to tell him how she felt, his cellphone rang. He leaned down and looked at the caller ID.

"It's Lindsey, I gotta go" he said while standing up and getting dressed.

"When will I see you again?" she said as she looked at him with questioning eyes.

"I don't know, Lindsey's gonna be home a lot lately so I don't know" he said getting ready to leave.

"Whatever" she said getting aggravated.

"What's wrong?" he said obviously oblivious.

"When are you getting divorced?" she asked getting dressed.

"Come on Rory" he said running his hand through his hair. "It's not that easy, you're my girlfriend, you have to understand that I'm working on it"

"I can't be your girlfriend if you're married!" she said officially upset.

"I thoght you agreed!" he said, getting upset as well (NOT the best idea)

"I can't deal with this anymore! I'm done! We're through!" she said, suddenly realizing the words that had come out of her mouth.

"You don't mean that" he said breathless.

Beginning to cry, "I think I do" with that, she grabbed her bag and left, Before he could say something to change her mind.

She ran into her room and threw herself on the bed. After crying for about ten minutes, she walked into the closet and grabbed, what she thought, was her Dean box. She walked into her room and set the box on her bed. Prepared to add the things she had collected until she broke up with him. She opened the box, realizing her mistake.

"Oh my God" she breathed out.

She looked at all the things she had collected from her relationship with Jess. As she looked at these things, she realized why she had broken up with Dean. Because of the boy that had broken her heart. But not only had he broken it, he still held it. And as much as she begged for it back, he refused. Now she knew what she had to do.

Ok, since this is my first fanfic, I desperatly need constructive criticism. But a little bit of sugar is always nice too! (lol)

PLEASE R&R!


	2. The two Corys!

**Ok, I think I've figured out how to put in another chapter, I hope it doesn't totally suck. Please inform me if it does. And sorta weird coincedence that I'm listnening to the song "Since You Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. lol.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Depressing really.**

**Rating: T, for reasons that you will understand.**

**Now, let's just pretend that, instead of taking Jess until episode 6.08, it took him until about 5.11 to get his life back together. Also, there is a phone number in this story, so I just used all zeros. I didn't want to accidently put down like a friend of mine's number or something.**

888888888888888

She was driving. It was raining. She was driving while it was raining. You have to focus when it's raining and you're driving. But her mind was elsewhere. What was she doing? She was running to a boy that totally and completely crushed her. It was almost as if it were a game. Why on Earth would she want him back? He broke up with her because he wouldn't sleep with her. What kind of an asshole would do that? Well, Jess apparently. She kept screaming to herself, if that were possible. She knew she should turn back. _My life is back there. I can't leave that all behind._ But she wouldn't have to. If he wanted this, there should be a compramise. Right?_ Yes, there should be a compramise. If there isn't, then I'll know it wouldn' t have worked. I won't be wondering for the rest of my life of what could have been._ But she'd always wondered what could have been. What would happen if he hadn't left? If he loved her then he wouldn't have left. He would have stayed.

The rain was slowing down now. It was around 3:30. And she was in New York. What was she thinking? How on Earth would she find him? It's New York for cryed sake! It's not like Stars Hollow where you can walk up to anyone and they can give you a detailed list of a certain person's characteristics. Oh! A phonebook! Oh hell no, like there's a phonebook for all of New York. She's gonna have to go old school. The operator. She slid open the door to a random phonebooth. _Damn, I had no idea there were actually phonebooths still. I thought that was only London... Wait! Stay focused!_

"Listing for Jess Mariano"..."Grenich Village"..."000-000"..."Thank You" She put the phone back on the receiver. maybe she shouldn't do this. What if this was a huge mistake? It probably was. But what if it wasn't? What if he were actually the one for her? _Please, I call myself straightforward. I'm acting like this is a damn fairytale! He's an asshole and I know it! He hurt me! What the hell Am I doing!_ That was something she wasn't sure of. What she was doing.

8888888888888888

_One step, two steps, three steps, four steps. Ok, know ring the bell._ She put her hand on the buzzer, but didn't press down._ Ok, deep breath._ She rang the bell.

"Yea?" As she heard the voice, she came to the realiztion that it wasn't him, or was it?

"Jess?"

"Uh no, this his room mate Cory" She giggled to herself. Rory and Cory. Boy, it's like the two Cory's from the eighties. _God they were hot. They don't look to bad now. FOCUS!_

"Oh, um, do you know where he is?"

"I don't think I should give out this information"

"What? Why not?"

" (Laughs) You're from out of town aren't you?"

"What makes you say that!" She said insulted.

"Well, New York isn't exactly a place where you give out your information. Ever heard of Serial Killers?"

"Hey! I am in no resemblance to a - Look, can you just tell him that Rory came by and she'll be back later?"

"Wait! You're the famous Rory?"

"Whoa, what makes me so famous?"

"Well, Jess moved in with me a couple months ago, and he told me of the trials with the beautiful Rory Gilmore."

"Tr..Trials?"

"Yup, all the problems. Man, you really know how to break a guys heart."

"Hey!"

"Hold on, I'm gonna buzz you up."

She heard the door unlock and make a ringing noise. She pushed open the door and began to walk up the seven flights of stairs to his apartment. _I was HIS problem? He gave ME problems! I an NOT the brat in this situation!_ She knocked on the door three quick times. A good looking guy with curly blonde hair (unruly just like Jess's) and blue-green eyes opened the door.

"Well, well, well. He's gonna flip when he sees you."

"Good or bad thing?"

"What do you think" according to her confused expression, he dropped it. "Wanna come in?"

"Well, I don't know..."

"What do you not know?"

"How about the fact that I've never met you before?"

"What are you gonna do? Sit out HERE? trust me, we've basically figured out about the three drug dealers that live in this building. And if it makes you feel any better, My girlfriend Jen," Motions to a girl with wavy dark brown hair and green eyes sitting on the couch, "Was her prior to your lovely arrival. And, she's not too afraid of me"

"Fine, but If I am forced to sell pot, then I will hold you to blaim." She stepped in and walked awkwardly over to the couch where Jen was sitting. She was watching an episode of Punk'd.

"Go ahead! Have a seat! I've always wanted to meet this perfect girl!"

"What on EARTH has he said?"

"Not much. Which, for him, is a lot"

"Good point"..."So when should he back?"

"Rory?"

Rory turned to see an all to familiar face standing in the doorway. "Jess."

**I know! I hate cliffhangers too! Well I hope you liked it! I never wanted to update this, but the more reviews I got the more driven I was... So the more reviews, the faster you get the third installment!**


	3. The Preppy Pants

**KK, so this is the next chapter, I'm not gonna babble like I usually do at the beginning of stories and chapters. Not because I don't wanna annoy you, but because I wanna go ahead with the story! Lol j/k.**

**Disclaimer: nothing. I depress myself every time I type that.**

**Rating: T, that will NEVER get any higher. Because my mother is capable of reading these.**

**Now, on with the story!**

888888888888888888888888888888888888888

"So, when do you think he'll get here?"

"Rory?"

888888888888888888888888888888888888888

"Wh...What are you do..doing here?"

"Dude, why do you think sh'e here?" Cory said with a look that said 'You gotta be friggin kidding me'.

"Aw, shut up."

"Can we, um, talk?" Rory said praying that he wouldn't totally kick her out. I mean, after all, SHE turned HIM down. Hopefully, she hadn't come all this way to make an absoloute fool of herself.

"(pauses) Sure." he said with a look of disbelief on his face. "Come on"

"(with a sigh of relief) Okay." She would follow him, she just prayed he wasn't one of the drug dealers in the building. She smiled at that.

He led her to the roof. That's right. The roof. She had seen in movies where they would go up to the roof to 'talk' or 'think', but she never thought that you could ACTUALLY go up there. He stood staring at her, he kept screaming to himself _Don't wake up, Don't wake up, Don't wake up,_ But she was as real as he was, which was much more realistic and down to Earth unlike the old Jess he used to be.

The part that shocked HER the most, was that he wasn't wearing his old leather jacket. She just knew he would be buried with that thing. But he was wearing a blue jean jacket. Thank God he wasn't wearing jeans with it. He was actually wearing Kakis. That's right, the trademark preppy pants. And the funny thing was, he actually looked good. He didn't look uncomfortable like he always used to, he looked prepared for anything she was about to say.

"Why are you here?"

_Wow, where did this come from? _He had never been the 'cut to the chase kind of guy', he had always been the 'beat around the push and 100 percent avoid the subjest kind of guy'. "Why do YOU think I'm here?"

"I don't know, that's pretty much why I asked."

Damn, so much for beating around the bush. "I did something, that made me realize ... that ... I wanted to be with you."

"What happened?"

Jeez, she hated that he was so damn calm. She wanted him to be just as uncomfortable as she was. But in the end, he helped her relax a little bit. "Um, that doesn't matter."

"Apparently, it does."

She looked off into the distance. She felt like she could see forever. She just wanted to fly out to forever and get away from having to tell him ... that ... what she did.

"Something happened, that never should have. This is just one of those times where I REALLY want a time machine."

He laughed. Wow. he had always been afraid to laugh in front of other people. And when he laughed, he hadn't seemed to hesitate at all before he did it.

"What's so funny?"

"When I was seventeen, this would have been a smack in the face from me, but I just want to let you know that this is a compliment; But you sounded just like your mother right then."

"Wow, Jess Mariano, giving a compliment, I thought it was possible, now I know it is."

"Come on Rory, what happened?"

"I ... I ... I don't want to tell you."

"Rory, if I'm able to own up to the fact that I came to your dorm and asked you to 'Come away with me', I think you can own up to whatever you did." He paused, "You have everything Rory, I tryed to take that away from you. I'm glad you said no." She looked up at him. Shit. She knew she shouldn't have come here. He was over her.

"I, I think I should go."

"No" He grabbed her arm, she looked into those brown eyes and immediatly froze. "You were what I wanted. You still are. But you were at Yale! What would have happened if I were at all capable of pulling you away from that! You would have lost your dream and wondered for the rest of your life what would have happened if you had stayed! And I'm not gonna let you wonder!"

"Well you're letting me wonder now!" she said pulling herself away from him.

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"I'm talking about the fact that the reason I came here is because I'm gonna wonder what would happen if we went our seperate ways!"

"Oh"

There was an awkward silence. Finally he decide to break it. "So... why are you here?"

"I'm here to tell you that, if you really love me you won't make me leave my home."

"I wouldn't have done that in May, but I would have been able to. Now, I have a life. I can't just pick up and leave. I have a job. You have school. Neither of us can sacrifice that."

"But there must be something we can do"

"I know there is, but I just don't know what that is roght now."

"I can't stay much longer"

"Why not?"

"You're from out of town aren't you?"

"Huh?"

"Ask Cory"

"Huh?"

"It's New York, I can't stay out late in New York. I could get mugged or something. I need to go to my hotel."

"Wait, let me give you the address of where I work"

He pulled out a notebook from his back pocket. She noticed there wasn't a book in there.

"Come by tomorrow. I'll be working from 7 to 4."

"I never thought I would hear you say that sentence."

"Seriously, come by."

"I will."

"So, I'll talk to you later?"

"Yea, you will."

"You better go, with all those muggers and serial killers out there."

"And drug dealers, don't forget drug dealers."

"Yea, them too."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're gonna have to tell me what happened at some point."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna avoid it"

He laughed "Ok, bye Rory."

"Bye Jess."

She turned and walked to the door. Who was this guy? She hoped she still loved this amazing person he'd become.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888

**I hope you liked it! The more reviews I get the sooner I'll update!**


	4. My Time Machine

**I know I took my sweet time to update this, but I have no excuse. Just lazy. I'm one of those people that, when there writing a fanfic, they usually think they're better off just letting the story fly. Which is what I do. So I have no idea where this story is going, but as long as it's going, I'm good. I had not planned on the last chapter going where it did. I just planned on them being together and a miraculous ending. But when I'm writing, I start to get more realistic. But don't let this discourage you; I refuse to let this story have a sad ending.**

**Now, let's get on with it then!**

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Previously...

"You're gonna have to tell me what happened at some point."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna avoid it"

He laughed "Ok, bye Rory."

"Bye Jess."

She turned and walked to the door. Who was this guy? She hoped she still loved this amazing person he'd become.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Oh what mess**

**you've got the best of my heart**

**It broke and now it's just a joke**

**Cause you're moving right along**

**I'm still here and you're gone**

**Oh what shame**

**You know I didnt mean for the winds to change**

**Won't ever be the same**

**Cause the kisses that you blew**

**Could never ever move**

She sat in her car. Just sat. Right in front of where he worked. And that wasn't Wal-Mart. That's what everyone assumed he was destined for. But she knew better. She always knew, she just didn't believe. They always say "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing" She thought of it the other way around. She hated that. _I know what faith is. Why don't I have any?_ She wanted to have believed. She really did. She tried so hard. But in the end, she saw everyone on the cover, not from the "inside". She had been sitting there for about twenty minutes. _Your gonna go in anyways, just go ahead and get it over with._ But she wanted to stall. She loved to stall. I mean, it was about 12:30. And he hadn't come to talk to her. If he wanted to he could. There was a knock on the passengers side. She looked up. _Ok, so maybe he did come, What's your point?_ She rolled down the window using the button on the driver's side.

"Hey"

"Sorry, I was just, uh, I thought you were on your lunch break"

"Nice"

"What?"

"Smooth"

"What!"

"Good excuse, I almost believed you."

"Oh"

"Come on"

"Where?" She would follow him, she just wanted details first

"There's a really good deli up the street, and technically, we both need to eat."

"Why don't we just take the car"

"This is New York, taxis don't stop for anyone or anything. Unless you plan on dying today, I suggest you get out of the car and walk."

"Oh"

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

"Ham on rye, no mayonnase" Jess screamed to the man over the counter.

"Ummm..."

"ORDER!"

"Hold on!"

"Do it!"

She screamed something over the counter, not exactly sure of what she ordered, he pulled on her arm to the end of the counter and grabbed their sandwiches and paid. He chose an empty table and sat down, Rory sat across from him.

"What the hell Jess..."

"What?"

"Think you could've been a little nicer to me up there?"

"You wouldn't survive twenty-four hours in New York"

"Why?"

"These people don't wait for anything, they get pissed if you take ten seconds to decide what you want."

"Why?"

"This is coming from the girl who wants to travel to third world countries."

"What!"

"You need to rough up, I had to rough down, sometimes this is what it takes to make it here."

"Whatever"

"So, you gonna tell me NOW?"

"I was hoping you forgot about that..."

"Well, I didn't, so spill."

"This may not be the best place OR time."

"Rory, there's NEVER gonna be "the perfect time". So just tell me, so you won't be wondering what my reaction would be."

"One rule."

"Deal"

"You can't hurt me or storm out and leave."

"That's two rules"

"Oh whatever..."

"Now is NOT a good time to get aggravated with me"

"Duh"

"Just get it over w-"

"I slept with Dean"

"Man, way to grab the bull by the horns"

"You told me to just get it over with!"

"Again, not the best time..."

"Sorry"

"When...?"

"No comment"

"RORY"

"Two weeks after... after you came"

"What!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Wait a minute..."

"What?"

"I thought Dean was married..."

Rory looked down at her plate. She was humiliated.

**I think I need some time by myself**

**Without anybody else**

**I just need to unwind**

**In my time machine**

**I need to go far away**

**A few years back would be ok**

**I just need to unwind**

**In my time machine**

"Why?"

"I don't know"

"When was the last time?"

"What?"

"When was the last time you... were with him?"

Oh no. "About three days ago."

"Wow, I was NOT expecting that."

"I'm sorry"

"Sometimes Rory, that's just not good enough." he stood up and left, leaving Rory alone in the deli.

**I think you need some time by yourself**

**Without anybody else**

**You just need to unwind**

**In your time machine**

**You need to go far away**

**A few years back would be ok**

**You just need to unwind**

**In your time machine**

**All the things that we could change**

**things that we could change**

**Now we'll never be the same**

**I think I need some time by myself**

**Without anybody else**

**I just need to unwind**

**In my time machine**

**I need to go far away**

**A few years back would be ok**

**I just need to unwind**

**In my time machine**

**By Myself**

**I don't need anybody else**

**I just need to unwind**

**In my time machine**

**In my time machine**

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Don't worry, that is not the end of the story. Again, not where I thought this story was heading. And I definetly didn't plan on putting a song in. But I like the song, and it fit really well. Please R&R!

Song lyrics - The Click Five, Time Machine. (I left a verse out, because it didn't really fit with the story)


	5. Not without him

**A/N: Yh, I haven't updated in a lo0o0o0o0ong time. We got a new computer and my new chapter was deleted. So yea. I'm not gonna bore you with my a/n. So I'm just gonna go on with the story.**

**8888888888888888888888888**

**8888888888888888888888888**

**8888888888888888888888888**

**((NO PREVIOUSLY THIS TIME))**

Silence.

She hated silence. But for some reason, while so many other noises were swarming around her... She didn't hear a thing. It wasn't supposed to go this way. he was supposed to understand. Not that she was blaiming him. It was of course her fault that she did what she did. She WISHED she could blame him. But she couldn't. It was her fault. And here she was back at square one.

She was in her car. her beautiful car that was handed to her. Everything had always been handed to her. And this was the first time... this was the first time she couldn't get the one thing she truely wanted if she tryed. Oh well. Life goes on.

But not without him.

**8888888888888888888888888**

**Short, yes, but I don't know where to take this. I'm sure I'll think of something.**

_**R/R! R/R! R/R! R/R! R/R!**_


	6. I'm sorry

Okay, so I'm on my dad's crappy notepad, which has no bold, italic, or any type of gadget I could hope for on a computer. And instead of going to the next line when I get to the end of the page, it just becomes a little scroll bar at the bottom. So, right now, this is all one very long line. God this majorly sucks...

By the way - I don't particurly remember how I ended my last chapter... Somethin about her in a car, so it may be a little off.

It's one a clock in the morning. I'm hyper. Which may be a good sign that this will be a good chapter :)

ONE MORE THING! haha. I just finished watching "The Real Paul Anka" online. And I'm sorry, it sucked. So I'm sorta working on perfection here. Heaven help me.

Disclaimer: God you people are morons

Summary: read the other chapters people

88888888888888888888888888

Rain. In theory, it's a beautiful thing. But have you ever noticed, that it only comes in times of sadness?

88888888888888888888888888

It had started to drizzle outside her window. The music playing on the stereo had been long forgotten as she watched the rain tap on the window in front of her. She had also forgotten how long she had been sitting there. An hour? Maybe two? God who the hell cares anyways? No matter how many people had passed her, not one of them looked at her like he could have. But that's the thing. He wasn't looking at her.

Or so she thought.

She was torn by the silence that had eveloped her by a rapping on the passenger window. She merly glanced at him before she leaned over to unlock the door. He slowly opened it and sat down in the seat next to her, careful not to drench everything in her car.

She could tell he had been walking around in the rain. Most likely, waying his options. He seemed like that kind of person now. Someone who thought before they jumped. Spoke before they screamed. Walked before they ran.

They were both looking straight forward, skillfully avoiding eye contact. She deep down wished he were looking at her, but of course he wasn't.

She slightly turned her head, only to the point where she could admire him from the corner of her eye. His beautiful hair was soaked, but to her, it just made him that much more endearing.

He wanted to look at her, but he knew it would only hurt him more. She was the first woman he had ever loved. And that thought made him wince. Love, such a powerful word, it held so much weight. And could affect someone for a lifetime.

She was the first to break this extremly uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry."

"...I know."

This time she turned full on to look at him.

"You know I'm sorry, or... or you forgive me?"

She can see him lick his bottom lip. As he takes a deep breath, he lifts his head up to stare at the ceiling. Water droplets fall all around him. It's then that she realizes - She's shattering his whole world.

"I don't know."

"When you came to see me... it wouldn't have been the right time."

"I realize that now" He says turning to make eye contact with her.

"And... GOD!" She screams in frustration. And for a moment, he sympathizes for her.

"Hey, let's not bring God into this." he says attempting to lighten the mood. She offers him a small smile, when in reality, the light in her world had just been turned back on.

"I don't know what to say to fix this."

"Words won't be able to fix what happened Rory."

"I know."

He slowly, reaces over and grabs her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"Rory?"

"...Yea?" She says, hoping he wouldn't turn the light back off.

"I... I love you."

She nearly sheds a tear, and giggles at the fact that she thought he was about to break her heart again.

"I love you too." She says in a whisper. Unheard to most, but to him, it was as if she had screamed it from the mountains.

He leans in to kiss her, and looks up at her eyes before he decides that she won't change her mind. She squeezes her eyes shut, and she feels his lips against hers.

And for a moment, she can swear she's flying.

88888888888888888888888888

Best chapter I've written so far. No debate. And no, this is not the last installment of this story. I think... 


End file.
